When No One Is Here; I'm Not Alone

Why is it that whenever I stay home, you know so I won't have to deal with people, random people come to my door. I'm sitting here, chatting on the computer all innocently and then some tall, like 7 foot man, walks up to the door. I'm like "Hmmm...should I answer it?" and after thinking about how much I value my life....I decided to open it. He asked where my brother was and I told him the exact location, so I hope their friends and not arch nemesises. I then went back to the computer where I currently almost live. I met a girl online that lives in MA. She's into christian science and is trying to convert me. Religion isn't really a big issue for me so I played along and we found out we have many things in common. Today she was telling me that in her mind, God is actually okay with homosexuals (she's a "lesbian" too) because in God's eyes, he doesn't see that. "God has no gender so God doesn't judge by gender. God sees people who love people and God loves us for that." I've never heard a religious person say things like that. I usually get annoyed by religious people but the way she says stuff, it just makes me happy.

To Feed Upon What's Broken

My mother has had a lot of problems lately, such as kidney stones, breast issues (not sure yet what's actually wrong), back scars, and some personal issues with my dad that I'm not going to mention. She's needed my help and support with numerous things and I've always been there for her. However, it's like a one lane street. I help her with everything but I feel as though I never get anything in return. I mean, she's my mom. She takes care of me when I'm sick, buys me food and clothes. She does my laundry too, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about support and advice. I tell her a problem I'm having and she'll just shrug it off or not even listen and interrupt me with something else. Then as soon as she needs advice, she comes running back to me again. Of course, I still help her but geez...

When Addiction Strikes

Okay, so until about a week ago, I have never smoked in my life. But one night, about a week ago, I laid awake with a random urge. I needed a cigarette! It was so random and so intense at the same time. I went online, hoping I could stop the urge just buy watching someone else smoke. Made it worse. I took a toothpick, stuck it in my mouth, pretending it was a cigarette. It made it worse. To make it worse, my brother and his girlfriend always smoke so often that the scent was already implanted in my mind. Also, back when I was 14 I had made out with this creepy guy that was my brother's friend (not the guy I dated) whom I only spoke to for one night in my entire life and he smoked. I could taste the smoke in his mouth and forever the taste was implanted in me as well. It was horrible. I had the same addiction since that day but I bought myself some candy cigarettes at the mall to help soothe it. I also bought Kane a claw scratcher toy with a little yellow ball on top that he can bat around. He loves it so much. It's his reward for staying at home by himself. I feel so bad anytime I go somewhere because I leave him alone. Poor little kitty....

Follow Me, I'll Be Like Moses And Guide My People

Moxie has become a member of my blog! Meaning, she has hit a new record because she is my first actual follower! Woot! Go her! And for your amusement, I will put a random picture....

P.S. Prince of Egypt is an amazing movie..you know...since i mentioned Moses...

Mullet Man Makes Me Happy

Uncle Jesse from Full House is my hero. He's everything I wish I was; tall, tan, mulleted, and very manly. I'm kidding about that but still. He is amazing one way or another. He never grew up and for that he has put a mark on me. I now have peter-pan syndrome. Whoo! Hehe. And he makes a wonderful father to his twin kids in the show.

Please Repeat

I've read so many engrish signs but they always make me laugh.

Okay? Why is it Okay?

Okay, I realize that I say Okay for the first word in many of my posts. Deal with it. I say Okay alot when I talk too. It's a habit.

P.S. I've been eating way too much ice cream, I'm getting fat!

My Background And Why I Made It

Okay, so the weird surprised smiley faces in the background may throw you off a bit. But they make me happy. I was at first going to put some weird rave thing in the background but it took too much attention away from my writing so I was going to make it plain white but NAH that's boring. So I was just searching the net when I found some icons. This one in general stood out so I was like "yeah, that's not too bad..." so I used them and now I love them. *sighs* If only everything in life was that simple.

Gender Problem?

This would be the opening scene in my game but it obviously needs some repair because the male character turns into a girl after the first line...oops. My bad.

The Title And Ending And How I Steal

Okay, so this is the title of my game, which I named the game Ace Of Spades because of the card game being a big factor within it. I have no idea what anime or whatever this pic is from so I feel bad for not giving credit. And also I stole the game over screen from the anime Vampire Knight. It was so cool looking and the guy matched my main character so I had to... I mean, there's no way I can draw or edit good enough to make a cool title and gameover screen. There's just no way. Maybe in a million years or something...

My Game And How It Kills Me

I wanted the main character to be able to do simple things in my game...like climb trees, chop down trees, burn trees, hug trees, kick trees, kill bees within the trees, esc. I never expected it to take this many events!!! Look at that town map! It's like never ending events!!

Now Is The Power, Now Is The Time

I'm a weird form of witch that I basically created myself. I keep a Book of Shadows that I keep my spells in and I also write about daily events that are too personal to put on my online diary. I put together a candle shrine on my dresser which includes 6 buddhas that I bought at the flea market when I went with one of my close friends who I will call Raqula for blogging purposes. Haha. I haven't talked to her all summer which is kind of sad because she mentioned all this stuff about going away and never coming back and now I don't know if it's true or not. But anyway...my wiccan life is pretty amazing. I know a spirit named Kane (who I named my cat after) and I also talk to my dead sister (who's name I found out from my mother is Jenny) but I call her Mrs. L. Anyway, they can grant me wishes and such but lately have been telling me how to grant my own wishes. I have performed several spells and so far, they seem to work very well. I also seem to know when someone is dying. I'll get a glimpse of it in my dreams and it'll become true within a day. I die every night in my dreams but I'm always alive the next day. I'm not sure why that is...but oh well. I can't know everything. I thought about making a coven or something but then realized that my spells work better when I'm doing them alone. Raela and I used to do magick together, but as for most of our shared hobbies, has seized to occur. There's a street in my neighborhood, where a forest is, and inside the forest there's a piece of cleared land. There's mats and wooden sticks with the elements written on them. One day, I was walking around and I noticed older women sitting on the mats. They were chanting something and holding hands. That's when I found out it was a coven's spot. I visited several times since then but no one was there. I missed my oppurtunity to see what kind of things they really did there.

Blood's Thicker Than Water?

Okay, so my brother's girlfriend has been living with us for some time now. She was okay...she liked Diablo 2 alot and never let me on the computer and she had a weird obsession with pickles. But other than that...she was okay. However, her and my brother had an argument one night and she was saying how no one in the world cared about him except for his mom. SO, I had to step in and say something...so I did. "I care about him so shut up!" And then she was gone....my brother was happy that I stuck up for him. But I didn't even have to think about it...it was instinct.

Sims 3 And Why I Don't Play It

Sims 3 came out a while back. I was looking forward to it for like ever. Then I realized something when I spent all my allowance on it. It's a good game, but doesn't compare to Sims 2. I had everything for Sims 2. I have the expansions, the mods, the freebies. When I got Sims 3 it was downgrading. The idea of it was good. You can walk around the city and each Sim has a personality but...everything else was worse. The graphics were worse and there was less items. I recommend not getting it. Maybe Sims 4 will be better....

Vampire instincts...

Okay, the sun sucks. I want to get tanner but I hate the sun at the same time. It makes my eyes squint and it's hot...very hot. Florida does that, you know. It's like "Aw, it's sunny. I should go play outside..." next second "AH! IT BURNS! I'M THIRSTY! I WANT COLD AIR!". Oh and by the way, did I mention that I don't have air conditioning? Nope, none. I have a fan that I keep with me and Kane and that's it. So it's hella hot always and I hate it. I'm about to move to Alaska. Not really, but I wish. My dad says we might get air conditioning in the next week. He never keeps his promises but I'll make him keep this one.

Without That Spark....

Okay, so I haven't talked to Raela for 2 days and it bothers me. I want her to either get online, sneak a call, or something! I've been doing my daily hobbies, computer, randomly go outside, computer, randomly go outside again kinda deal but I haven't heard from Raela. She might be mad at me because I deleted all my pics form myspace. I mean, I plan on putting up new pics as soon as my dad leaves. That way I can get temporary black hair spray. I look so good in black. I have naturally blonde hair which I don't necessarily mind...I mean blonde is cool and all. But black really brings out my skin tone and makes my eyes look brighter...haha. I'm such a weirdo. But anyway, the sun is coming back out so I'm going outside...again. I'm leaving Kane inside this time since he's busy playing at the playground I made him anyway.

Salt For My Bloodstream; Pepper For My Soul

Okay, so it's true. My mom makes the best home-made macaroni and cheese in the entire world. It tastes so good by itself but man, with added salt and pepper, it's scumptious! No one's macaroni and cheese can compare. If you think otherwise, let's compete! Haha. My momma will smoke your butt. Anyway, I was tanning today so I brought Kane (MY CAT!!!) out with me because I don't trust him in my house by himself. (He cannot be trusted because he breaks everything!!) I decided that I was going to go inside, because clouds came out and it wasn't even sunny anymore. Kane was relaxing under my brother's recked car because cats like to be in the shade and all, so I was like "Come on, Kane. Time to go inside," and he looked at me but didn't budge. So I was like "Fine, I'm going in with out you. Bye Kane!" and I walked to the front door and opened and shut it, pretending like I went inside. Then I snuck around to see what Kane was going to do then. He panicked, ran in a circle, and franticly ran to the front door. He started clawing at it and meowing. His face looked so scared...aw, poor little baby. I ran behind him to pick him up but he saw me and ran back underneath my brother's car. So I ran over to the car and called out his name but he stayed there and gave me the silent treatment. I had to apologize to him for about an hour before he finally came out. Aw, I hate it when he gets mad at me....

Building up..or building down...

So my house is under construction. It's another one of my dad's great projects. Supposedly, he's making the house into a mansion. I doubt it. It's been about 9 years since he started this "current" project and he's accomplished about 2 or 3 rooms...but he's also a lawyer and in the army and stuff so I mean...he's a busy guy. However, yesterday, he glued the plywood to the walls and I had the worst allergic reaction to the glue he used. So I spent most of the night outside to get away from the stench....I brought Kane, my cat, with me and we hung out in the moonlight. It was fun, but I got bit by a hell of a lot of mosquitos and I got like no sleep. My dad also built a garage that sits across from my house. There's a cement driveway in between the house and garage. The garage isn't completely finished either. The outside is finished but the inside is just boards and such..there's no flooring or insulation. But it's a pretty nice building....if you like that kind of thing.
There's a pool beside the garage with a hot tub. The hot tub connects to the pool by the use of a waterfall that pours from the hot tub to the pool. Now that was a cool idea. I'll give him credit for that. Also, when we first filling up the pool, the empty cement bowl that would soon contain the pool water made a very good skateboarding rink.

Showers of Fishes...Oh no!

My family vacations always suck. When I was 5, we went on a boat trip from Michigan to Florida. It took a month. It was one of the longest months of my life. A year later, we went to hawaii. I refused to ride in a plane ever again after that trip. You would have refused too, if you were with my family. I went 'out west' one year as well. We were in an RV...if you've ever been in an RV you know what I mean. The toilets lead to an 'indoor' septic system. It smells so bad. I slept on the top balcony that hangs over the driver's seat. Didn't I tell my parents that I toss and turn in my sleep?
I awaken in the middle of the night, hanging over the edge. The next day, we ride the RV up the side of a giant snow-capped mountain..on the very edge of the road as well. On the side of the RV, it said "do not take this vehicle on dirt roads". Yes, my father is a moron. Also when we got to the RV camp, there was a notepad where we were supposed to put where we're parking the RV and my dad wrote "by the creek" we then drove the RV all the way around the RV park and there was no creek there! So we ended up parking by a tree and confusing the workers. Dad was like "So, what do you want for dinner?" and I was like "Hmm...I'll just go catch us some fishes from the creek."
Last year, we went to Arizona and let me tell you now...I thought we were on the moon. Dirt pile after dirt pile after dirt pile..does it ever end? Dad wanted to buy property so we ended up getting lost in the middle of nowhere when searching for a lot. Ug..horrible. And then this year, it sounded okay...at first. We were going to the beach for the fourth july weekend. However, we ended up staying in the car for 8 hours and then only staying at the beach for 3 hours at most. The beach wasn't that far, my dad just couldn't find a hotel...
The next time a family vacation idea pops up, I'm exing out of it.

Secret Dating Life....

Okay, so secret dating isn't all that it's cracked up to be. No phone, no hanging out, no other stuff that 16 year olds aren't supposed to know about....haha. So Raela and I like to hang out on IMVU.
I'm kind of addicted to it now that I've found ways to become rich. I have a pretty nice house and sweet clothes in it. I also have a pet dragon and crap. But the main point is, this is my WHOLE DATING LIFE. Pathetic, right?
But they have decent clubs and such....and really nice poses.

So even though it's just another lame chat session, it keeps my fantasies alive. That's what really counts.

Kitty...Kitty...Kane...Bear?

So I have cat...he's 3 months old. I'm allergic to cats...I HATED cats....I went to Petland to buy something completely different.Yes, I wanted a ferret^^^. Why didn't anyone tell me that ferrets smelt so bad? And then, while I was standing there, trying to ignore the horrible stench the ferrets were breezing about the room, a kitten was going crazy trying to escape it's cage. I look behind me and I see this adorable black furrball with big bright green eyes and I'm like "eeeww...a cat," so then I look away and look at the cute puppies. *MEOW* I hear this quite loudly and I looked back to the back of the room again. There the kitten is, sticking his head through the cage and trying to reach me with his paw. Okay....so his face was cute. I walk closer to him and he smiles. I pet him and he wags his tail. Right then, I was supprised...this cat isn't making me sneeze. I can breathe! So next second, I'm begging my mom to let me have him. I mean, I really could've gotten a free cat from anywhere near my house. But it wasn't like I just wanted a cat, I wanted THIS cat. He's been with me ever since that day, literally. He follows me everywhere. He also likes to ride on my back and sit on my face and chew on my notebooks. He even got his head stuck in my chair and I had to get him unstuck...He climbs on the table, he eats off my plates, and he pees on me! But I love him, I love him so much. I call him Kane Bear instead of kitty...because I don't want to admit he's a cat...

One Step Ahead Of The Game

I have several main talents. RPG Maker 2003 is defanitely one of them. I can make anything from a weather system, food system, time system, battle system, any system!! Seriously, every-time I get a good idea, I find a way to make it work. This image above shows the card system I made for my game. It's a game of Poker! See, the game I'm currently working on is a sim game. You live your everyday life and such. Okay, so it's mostly a dating game. You can flirt with any of the characters and you can switch from being a boy to ar, girl whenever you want. The characters respond differently depending on your gender but you can still date them no matter what as long as you get them to like you first. You can buy different houses and different pets and so on. The beginning of the game has somewhat of a story line. The main character gambles away his parents fortune so he either runs away from home or he gets kicked out(depending on the choices you make). It's very amusing and when the game is finished I'm uploading it to rpgmaker.net. Speaking of rpgmaker.net, if you're ever bored with nothing better to do...I suggest going there. They have a ton of great games and not so great games...but it's fun either way just seeing all the people's creations! Also, if you need any help with rpg maker, let me know.



This is my custom battle system. See how big and detailed my character and the enemies look? Yep, I'm proud of that. But I still have to make the attacks into a menu instead of just a choice selection... Also, in my game, you can use yo-yos, playing cards, chainsaws, matches, baseballs, and daggers as battle items. I'm still working on making more weapons.

I Am What I Wish To Be

Okay, so I'm a writer. I've always been one; before I could talk, before I could walk. Before I existed, probably. I remember when I was little and how I would role play by myself in my room for hours. I would come up with characters and storylines. Kane was always one of the main characters, and me, I was always a character named Shimi. Kane is also the name of my Guardian Angel who has watched over me since the beginning of 6th grade. My other Guardian Angel, Mrs. Jenny Louise, who is my dead sister made him for me one night when I was lonely and needed someone to talk to. She's alot older than me so she made some one closer to my age that I could relate too. Anyway, enough about my guardians and all their super powers..., back to my passion about writing. I'm currently writing a novel called "Respiring Mano". It's about a group of witches who form a coven and go against some enemy vampire cult. However, it's more realistic than it sounds. The characters don't start off with every power in the world, and they have every day problems as well. It takes place in modern time and the main character's name is Sheli. It's pretty amazing really. I've reread it it several times. It's almost 600 pages long now. I only plan on writing two more chapters and then I'm typing it up and hopefully getting it published. Wish me luck. I do have to do some major edits before-hand though so it might take a while. I've written other stories in the past as well. I wrote one about a boy named Toren who lives at a foster home and his bestfriend is Semi. He starts being controlled by 'the voices' and goes insane. That was one of my bet ones. It's funny, I really don't enjoy reading in general, but when it comes to reading my own writing....it's great!

Out Of The Closet

As I mention in my profile, yes, I'm a lesbian. I realized that as soon as I started dating Raela, more and more gays were being born. I mean this hypothetically. Once I came out and said "I am a lesbian", I began to see them everywhere. I mean, I'm sure they were always there. I just never noticed them before. And no, I don't find all girls attractive. I mean, I didn't even know Raela was attractive until after a week of dating. And now I can't believe I didn't notice it before; how beautiful and elegant a woman's body can be. Yes, I've had a boyfriend before but I really don't consider myself bi. My boyfriend sucked and so I totally screwed up his myspace and then never spoke to him again. He always ignored me for videogames and cheated on me with some girl I don't know. We never even kissed. Which is good, by the way. My girlfriend is the sweetest, most wonderful person I've ever met and I am proudly gay for her. However, there is a slight problem because of all this gayness. Her mother is catholic and my dad's an ass. So, her mom found out and started getting "sick". That's what she said. Her mom blamed me for her bad health. She would go home crying to Raela everyday and say how I'm killing her by existing...basically.
One day, back when I was in band, I had just got done performing a parade and I was chatting with a fellow mellophone player. My mom walks over and trailing behing her, is Raela's mom. My mom looks at me sternly and is like "We gotta go, now!". So I just nodded and said goodbye to Mellophone-guy and through him his gloves. I followed my mom to the car. "What's up?" I asked once we were inside. My mom told me that she had sat with Raela's mom during the parade and that she knows there's something that I'm hiding from her. Which is weird, because I could have sworn I made it very clear the day she walked in and I was on top of Raela while playing Dark Cloud on the playstation. However, she probably blocked that out from her memory. Anyway, so she takes me to Raela's house and makes me apologize to Raela's mom for dating her daughter....Eeeew. Okay, I used to love her mom. Her mom used to be sooo cool. But that day....just ew. I hated every moment of it. So afterwards, I went home and I talked to Raela online. She was happy to here from me and we agreed to keep secretly dating. Well, secretly at home that is. At school..we're pretty open about it. Our friends support us so that's pretty awesome. My school is basically filled with homosexuality anyway so we don't stand out that much. Oh and if you read this post, be sure to vote for Gay Marriage....because Raela and I want to get married someday and we need the public's support. I mean, we could go to some far off state and get married..but I'd love to get married here, where I live, where I grew up, where my friends and family are. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I don't like tradition, heh.