When Addiction Strikes

Okay, so until about a week ago, I have never smoked in my life. But one night, about a week ago, I laid awake with a random urge. I needed a cigarette! It was so random and so intense at the same time. I went online, hoping I could stop the urge just buy watching someone else smoke. Made it worse. I took a toothpick, stuck it in my mouth, pretending it was a cigarette. It made it worse. To make it worse, my brother and his girlfriend always smoke so often that the scent was already implanted in my mind. Also, back when I was 14 I had made out with this creepy guy that was my brother's friend (not the guy I dated) whom I only spoke to for one night in my entire life and he smoked. I could taste the smoke in his mouth and forever the taste was implanted in me as well. It was horrible. I had the same addiction since that day but I bought myself some candy cigarettes at the mall to help soothe it. I also bought Kane a claw scratcher toy with a little yellow ball on top that he can bat around. He loves it so much. It's his reward for staying at home by himself. I feel so bad anytime I go somewhere because I leave him alone. Poor little kitty....